How sad it is that it’s considered brave to love the body that you were born with.
*sends risky text* *turns phone on silent* *flips phone over* *runs around screaming unintelligibly* *hides under rock* *.05 seconds later* i wonder if they’ve texted back yet
I’m always stuck between ‘sleep is for the weak’ and ‘sleep for a week’
I hate the feeling of tears in my ears as I blankly stare at the ceiling
The darkness clouding my vision
The numbness settling in
And yet the wetness on the side of my face is such a bother
It slices past the numbness
A constant reminder of the source of these tears
Of what was
Such a nuisance
But I can’t make my nerves work
Make my hand brush the side of my face
Because the tears are all I have left of it
Anonymous asked: What is your sexual orientation?
I’d like to say I’m straight but I’ve had this thing where I’ve been attracted to females since I was like 5 (because my older brother). So like I want to say that I would date anyone but I don’t know because I’ve never been intimate with a female but the idea is very intriguing to me. And I had a crush on one of my best friends for a while and she’s a girl and a lesbian and whatnot and I could probably kiss her anytime and figure out what I really want in life but I’m scared.
So long story short, I’m straight but open.
Anonymous asked: where does this self-loathing come from? you look like a really cool chick
Well thank you, it’s been building since before I could even spell “self-loathing”. I’ve always hated myself in a way I think. When I started school and I was actually around people, that’s when it began. And I just never let it go. I can hide it most of the time though. Most people in real life don’t know. I guess it’s the way I unconsciously carry myself. People actually think I’m very conceded and full of myself but that couldn’t be father from the truth.
Anonymous asked: what would you change about yourself?
But if we’re talking physically:
And if we’re talking anything else:
Anonymous asked: what makes your heartbeat fast?
In a good way:
In a bad way:
Anonymous asked: what do you see when you look in the mirror?
Like 10% of the time I can say that I see something beautiful. But even then, half of those times I only see beauty when I’m all dressed up and sucking in my stomach, when I see myself unnaturally. I see beauty in my natural self when I only glance, not when I stare.
The other 90% of the time I see something that’s not good enough. Ever. Not good enough in anything. Something that has to be built up on other people’s praises and that’s not right. That’s not how it should be. But I’m working on it.
You can’t have me
The memories you spend your life chasing but I always slip just when you thought you had them
I am sweet
But savor the taste for I can transform in the blink of an eye
I am bitter with the realization that I will never be real again
But dive in my depths and I promise I will never let you go
I love you
Come back to me
I can replay all the times we had to your heart’s content
It’ll be worth it when you see all that I can show you
Remember my sweetness
I am your sweetest downfall but don’t focus on the latter
You hate me, but I win your love every time
I keep you coming back for more
I’m sorry but you long for me
I will always feel it
And I will wait for you when the darkness threatens to overtake you again
It’s sad that I love you most when I realize anyone else could have you and I could lose you at anytime. You could choose to stop loving me at any time. What’s wrong with me?
It’s not like I’m even used to being someone’s first priority but I really fucking hate blatantly not being someone’s first priority
I want a pretty crisp room with white walls + accent wall and fluffy white sheets and wooden floors and a floor to ceiling window with a view of my outside garden/secret place and a candles and tea and a cat and a corner with pillows and beanbags so I can read